they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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