thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
honey bunches of taint.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
