I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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