I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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