I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
