we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
