Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
one two three fourrrrnication!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
