The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
