Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
