Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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