My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
