Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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