he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize