it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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