walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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