Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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