dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
