Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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