she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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