i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Operation Purity has been aborted
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
