whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
