when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
