What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sober January is a disaster.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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