Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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