You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
