I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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