the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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