just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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