I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
