It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just had sex on a roof
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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