We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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