get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
