I didn't shave. On purpose
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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