Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
