If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
