Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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