This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
