I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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