Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
