I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
