I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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