i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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