What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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