Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
