he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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