Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
