i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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