It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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