so explain again why im purple
no
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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