the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
