im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
