She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
