Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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