And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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