No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I didn't notice because vodka
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
