My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
