Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize