i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
