you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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