All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
