the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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