My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think my fart just growled at me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
