either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
