Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
