Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
