I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
