I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wish my penis had a tongue
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize