yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
