I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
