k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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