Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
