She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
