I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
