my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
