i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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