Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Drunk is not a location!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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