At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's blow job season.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
