the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize