I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
