even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
