just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
