just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
