please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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