Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
