Dual....:-)
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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