kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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