i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
