He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
