Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
