I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
