so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
